World Cup Predictions: You’ve been cephalopoded

So, apparently I suck at WC predictions. France was eliminated on the very day I posted ( but Henry played ! Yaaaay!! – that there made the WC all worthwhile) . My other two teams, Brazil and Ghana , were eliminated on the same day – the day I like to think about as Black Saturday ( or was that Thursday ?)

To add insult to injury, I was out-predicted by an octopus ! Hala! Paul the Octopus, an English-born cephalopod who currently resides in Germany (but who I’m betting was either deported or turned into the main ingredient for some schnitzel-like dish after last night’s game) correctly predicted all six of Germany’s games. (Notice how I used that big word cephalopod there? Shows how brainy I am)

I wonder, could Paul be hired for predictions outside of the Soccer arena? Because if he could predict outcomes in other areas with as much accuracy, then I think we should use him for all polls in the country , from who will win the Referendum, to which soap cleans whitest. He is an octopus, so I doubt he will require more than a few treats in payment,which means we can cut back our budget immensely ( and have enough money to increase the wages of our seriously overworked and underpaid MPs) .

Then too , we can rely on his findings, since he has so far proved that he is immune to pressure ( he refused to go with the German flow, even though he could have saved his … err … tentacles by predicting a Gernman win) or bribes (wait, you actually believed those treats were exactly the same and that the German one was not just a little tastier? Sucker!)

Hmm… maybe Paul needs a manager for his engagement in Africa. Let me go research the best ways to get on the right side of an octopus ( or is that sides? These funnily shaped animals are very confusing) and see a human octopus about drawing up a contract of sorts.

Now now … you didn’t think I would be leaving before humiliating myself with another prediction, now, did you ? The final two are Netherlands and Spain . If I recall correctly, my pros and cons for the two were

Spain
Pro: They gave us the óle óle song. Plus they are supposed to have some cute guys in spain
Con: Real Madrid.

Netherlands
Pro: Err… windmills ?
Con: Wannachezanga football huko?

Now that I have learnt that they not only play ball , but play it well ( or so I have heard; still haven’t watched any match – except the first minute or so after Henry came in to play for France) I am leaning towards Netherlands. In fact , this is the prediction I am going to make :

In the world cup finals this year, Netherlands Is going to beat Spain
3:1. First goal by Netherlands in the first half. Second goal by Spain in the 1st 5 minutes of the 2nd half, then just when everybody is getting prepped for extra time, the Netherlands will come out with 2 goals in 5 minutes and completely crush all Spanish hopes. Thus sayeth Mag the Oracle (Hah ! Beat that you over-limbed sea monster!)

(If you are wondering how I came to this conclusion, just know that it was through a very scientific method involving , among many other things, computer analysis, the distance the losing team would have to travel from S.A., team colours and how easy it is for my 2 year old niece to pronounce the country’s name.)

If I was hedging my bets I would say that Spain will win it 5:3 on penalties, lakini since I’m not even sure that is a possible score line, I will stick to my first prediction .

Whichever team wins I have only one request – try not to bore me this time. Please? Thank you.

PS :In case anyone in here needs this, I have very kindly included the recipe for Octopus Salad . You are welcome

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